Across Europe and North America, Nigerian men are increasingly speaking out about a troubling trend: wives using legal loopholes to have them ejected from their homes, gain custody of their children, and even secure immigration benefits. While domestic abuse remains a serious issue, some women allegedly manipulate protective laws meant for genuine victims to punish or control their spouses, writes GODFREY GEORGE
Edith was only 16 when Chukwudubem Eze came for her hand in marriage. Both from neighbouring communities in Imo State, their families had built a strong bond over the years.
“Her father and my father had been friends for more than 20 years. I had always seen her as part of the family since she was born,” said Eze, who was 26 at the time.
Both families welcomed the decision, but Edith’s parents had one condition: Eze must fund her education up to a bachelor’s degree. She had always dreamed of becoming a nurse, and Eze promised to support her.
The young man was already planning a perilous journey through the desert to Europe and felt it necessary to pay Edith’s bride price and move the teenager to his family home before his departure.
“I didn’t touch her, not even once, because my trip was the next month. She was always with my mother, who was teaching her how to cook and be a good wife. She was very beautiful, I must say, but to say that I touched her is a lie,” he stressed.
A few weeks later, he set off on his journey. He travelled by road through several African countries, including Niger and Mali, before arriving in Libya.
Once in Libya, Eze was arrested and imprisoned for two weeks.
“I lost all communication with my family. They kept asking me to pay for my release and call home. I did everything I could, but I barely had anything. Eventually, I was sold into slavery and forced to work for months before the man’s son helped me get to the Mediterranean Sea for the crossing to Italy,” he said.
His journey took a detour, forcing him to pass through Algeria before finally making it to Italy. From there, he moved to Spain and then France, where he sought asylum but was denied.
“While in France, I finally managed to reach Edith and told her everything I had been through. I had contracted tuberculosis, and parts of my lungs were almost destroyed due to overcrowding and the horrific conditions in the Libyan prison.
“Edith prayed for me and told me that her father had passed away. The family was preparing for his burial, which was to take place in four months because he was a titled man. I worked like a camel and sent her money to contribute to the funeral expenses.
“I also paid her school fees and sent her stipends every month. Bear in mind, I did all this as an illegal immigrant. I was constantly afraid of being caught and deported,” he said.
Edith moves to the UK
Edith eventually sat her Senior School Certificate Examinations and expressed her desire to attend nursing school. Eze said he was aware of her plans and was prepared to cover the costs.
“I was sending her money for education so that, even if I was deported, she would have something to fall back on. I really loved this girl. It was in her final year in nursing school that I decided to try my luck at moving to the United Kingdom,” he said.
A friend introduced Eze to an immigration lawyer in France, who claimed it was possible to secure legal entry into the UK, even for his family.
After extensive consultations, the lawyer suggested that Edith, now a qualified nurse, apply to work in the UK. Eze could then join her later.
Eze embraced the idea and shared it with Edith, but she was initially hesitant.
“She insisted I get her a visa to join me in France. She didn’t understand that I was undocumented. Any day, I could be deported. I explained repeatedly, but she wouldn’t listen.
“We proceeded with the UK process without her full enthusiasm. I spent money. I worked four jobs, surviving on only seven hours of sleep a week. I worked at a factory at night, then another during the day. I was paid in cash because of my status, and sometimes, I was short-changed. I couldn’t even complain because they threatened to report me to immigration. I endured all of this until Edith arrived in the United Kingdom.
“A few months later, she invited me to join her. The lawyer instructed me to return to Nigeria first before travelling to the UK legally. I followed the plan.
“It was back in Nigeria that I learnt Edith had a child with another man and had taken the child with her to the UK. I refused to believe it. But to my greatest shock, when I arrived in the UK, there was a four-year-old in the picture. Even my immigration lawyer knew but kept it from me,” he said.
Devastated, Eze spent his first few weeks in the UK embroiled in endless arguments with Edith over her betrayal.
“Remember, I married this girl. I paid her bride price. I did everything the proper way. She even bears my surname. I couldn’t understand how she could do this to me. I called her mother, who admitted they didn’t know how to tell me.
“My own mother had passed away two years before I returned. My father is a reserved man, and I doubt he would have broken the news to me. My siblings tried to hint at it whenever I called, but they weren’t explicit. Even if they had told me, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. The reason I went to the village to find a wife instead of marrying a city girl in Lagos was because I wanted someone decent. I couldn’t believe she had done that to me,” Eze said.
Weeks passed, but the arguments persisted. One night, Edith left the house and didn’t return for two days, leaving the four-year-old in Eze’s care. He was utterly unprepared for the responsibility.
He was still unemployed, as they had yet to arrange childcare—a requirement under UK Child Protection Law. Both parents could not simply leave the child unattended.
When she eventually returned, Eze confronted her. She slapped him.
“This wasn’t the first time she had slapped me. Whenever I tried to correct her, she would hit me. I didn’t retaliate.
“I took her inside and laid her on the bed. The child was crying and throwing a tantrum. She had eaten nothing but a burger and some leftover macaroni and cheese. There was no food in the house. I wasn’t working, so I depended entirely on Edith, who never failed to remind me that I owed my presence in the UK to her generosity,” he said.
‘He abuses me and my daughter’
A few days after the incident, Eze claimed Edith brought up the issue of hiring a nanny so he could go out and work.
According to him, Edith began lamenting about how ungrateful he was and threatened to send him back to Nigeria. This was the first time she made such a statement, Eze confirmed.
It took her only four weeks to make good on her threats.
A few police officers arrived one evening and invited Eze to the station to respond to allegations of “physical and sexual abuse, battery, and assault” against both Edith and the minor.
“It felt like a dream. I had never touched that girl. I admit that sometimes Edith made me angry, and we argued, but nothing that warranted this level of betrayal. Apparently, every fight we had, she recorded and submitted to the police, who built a complete case against me.
“It wasn’t even two months before I was asked to leave the house voluntarily or be forcibly evicted. I called Edith’s family, pleading with them endlessly, but it was all to no avail. Then, one Thursday, law enforcement officers arrived, and I was ordered to vacate the house.
“When I explained that I had nowhere else to go, they told me to return to Nigeria,” he said.
For nearly five months, Eze said he lived on street corners, in churches, and at community centres, relying on charity and begging to survive.
One day, in desperation, he decided to go to the hospital where Edith worked, only to find out that she had taken out a restraining order against him and labelled him ‘dangerous’.
“I wasn’t dangerous when I was putting her through school. I wasn’t dangerous when she cheated on me and brought a four-year-old into the country I paid every dime for her to enter. Now that she’s meant to support me, I’ve suddenly become dangerous,” he lamented.
Life on standstill
Under UK immigration law, an individual’s right to remain in the country on a spouse or partner visa is contingent upon the continuation of their relationship.
If the relationship ends due to separation or divorce, the visa holder is typically required to inform the Home Office, which may curtail their visa, often to a 60-day period, after which they must either apply for a different visa category or leave the UK.
In Eze’s case, his immigration status was dependent on his relationship with Edith. Following their separation, he said his right to remain in the UK was reassessed, and without an alternative basis to stay, he was required to leave the country.
After returning to Nigeria, Eze made several attempts to re-enter the UK but faced rejections.
UK immigration rules impose re-entry bans on individuals who have breached immigration laws. The duration of these bans vary, according to the UK Home Office website.
For those who leave the UK voluntarily at their own expense within six months of being given a removal notice, they may get a two-year ban.
Individuals who leave voluntarily but at the expense of the Secretary of State, either within six months of a removal notice or after their appeal rights were exhausted may get a five-year ban. Those who are deported or removed from the UK, or used deception in their application may get a 10-year ban.
According to www.gov.uk, given that Eze was required to leave the UK following the end of his relationship and did not overstay or breach other conditions, he may not have been subject to a mandatory re-entry ban. However, any new visa application would be rigorously assessed, and his previous immigration history could influence the decision, our correspondent learnt.
Edith denied allegations
After two emails were sent to Edith to respond to the allegations levelled against her by Eze, on Friday afternoon, she called this reporter with her UK number on WhatsApp, denying any wrongdoing.
“I don’t want to go back in time to start peeling off old wounds, but Dubem and I ended things a long time ago, and it was mutual. His former lawyer (name withheld) is aware. I wonder why he is now coming to the media to complain,” she said.
When asked about having a child for another man while still in the marriage with Eze, she said, “I have nothing to say to that. You have heard his own side. You don’t want me to state my own side.”
Asked to state her own version of events, she said, “I am a busy nurse. I don’t have the time. I only responded to you because I am required to do so by law. I have told you all I can say now. Dubem and I are over and I did not exploit any laws against him. He is lying against me.”
Further questions were met with silence before the line went dead.
The UK and domestic violence
In the United Kingdom, domestic abuse, encompassing physical violence, emotional manipulation, psychological intimidation, sexual coercion, and financial control, is unequivocally condemned and addressed through comprehensive legal frameworks.
These protections extend to all individuals within the UK, irrespective of their immigration status or nationality.
However, there have been cases, like that of Eze, where this law has been strategically used to hound and chase husbands away from their homes. Although some of these cases have turned out to be true, there has been a trend of calculated manipulation to oust immigrant husbands from their homes and even from the UK.
One such sad cases was relayed by a Nigerian lawyer, Dele Olawanle, who, in October 2023, shared a story of a Nigerian woman in the UK who falsely accused her husband and father of her three kids of raping and abusing her for over 12 years.
According to Olawanle, the man had relocated his wife and three children to the UK as dependents, only for the woman to turn against him in a bid to secure independent residency.
In a shocking twist, she alleged that her husband had subjected her to 12 years of rape and domestic abuse, leading to his arrest.
“The husband was shocked when he got to the police station and the officers told him his wife had accused him of raping and abusing her for 12 years. He was devastated and cried throughout his time in custody,” Olawanle recounted.
However, a senior police officer took a special interest in the case and decided to conduct a deeper investigation.
Upon seizing the woman’s mobile phone, they discovered text messages from third parties instructing her on what to tell the authorities in order to secure indefinite leave to remain in the UK without her husband.
“The investigation exposed that she had been receiving messages advising her on how to frame her husband, ensuring he would be out of the picture while she remained in the UK with the children,” Olawanle stated.
With this revelation, the woman was subsequently arrested in October 2023 and detained.
Olawanle used the case to caution Nigerians considering relocation abroad, urging them to think beyond economic gains and consider whether their marriages and family structures could withstand the pressures of living in a different legal and cultural system.
“Before you decide to relocate to the UK, do not only think of the money you will make or the qualifications you will get. Think also of whether your marriage will survive and whether your children will not be taken away by social services or turned against you,” he warned.
He emphasised that many Nigerian men were now facing similar ordeals, where their wives manipulated Western legal systems to their advantage, often at the expense of their husbands.
“This applies to both men and women. Many people who lose their families abroad never considered the consequences before moving. Are you sure you are ready for it?” he questioned.
Strict laws against domestic abuse
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 serves as the cornerstone of the UK’s approach to combating domestic violence. It provides a clear statutory definition of domestic abuse, recognising it as not only physical violence but also emotional, coercive or controlling behaviour, and economic abuse.
This holistic definition acknowledges the multifaceted nature of abuse, ensuring that all forms are subject to legal scrutiny and intervention.
Perpetrators of domestic abuse may be charged with various criminal offences, including but not limited to assault, harassment, stalking, and coercive control.
The latter, introduced as a specific offense under the Serious Crime Act 2015, criminalises patterns of controlling behaviour that cause someone to fear violence or experience serious alarm or distress. Law enforcement agencies are mandated to investigate allegations thoroughly, and victims are encouraged to report incidents without fear of prejudice related to their immigration status.
Support for immigrant victims
Recognising the unique vulnerabilities of immigrant victims, the UK has instituted specific provisions to offer protection and support.
Immigrants on spousal or partner visas whose relationships have broken down due to domestic abuse can apply for Indefinite Leave to Remain (ILR), allowing them to settle permanently in the UK.
This provision ensures that victims are not compelled to remain in abusive relationships for fear of jeopardising their immigration status.
Also, there is the Migrant Victim of Domestic Abuse Concession. This concession grants temporary leave (usually three months) to victims, enabling them to access public funds and support services while their ILR application is processed. It provides a crucial safety net for those who may be destitute or in urgent need of assistance.
Application process, evidence requirements
Victims seeking ILR under the domestic abuse provisions must complete the SET (DV) form and provide evidence substantiating the abuse.
Acceptable evidence includes police reports, medical records, court orders, or statements from support organisations. The Home Office assesses applications on the balance of probabilities, meaning the evidence must show that it is more likely than not that the relationship breakdown resulted from domestic abuse.
Marriage shattered at airport
One such case that stirred significant online debate involved Henry Osah, a Nigerian man who recently arrived in the UK with his children to reunite with his wife.
Upon arrival, his wife allegedly took their children’s passports and declared their marriage over, leaving him stranded at the airport.
The incident was first reported by an X user, @jayydubby, who claimed that Osah had sacrificed everything to support his wife’s move to the UK, only to be abandoned upon his arrival.
A plea was made online for assistance in securing him a job that could help him remain in the country and fight for custody of his children.
However, the narrative quickly shifted as allegations surfaced that Osah had a history of domestic violence.
X user, @tiffanyibeh, refuted claims that the wife’s actions were unjustified, alleging that Osah had been physically abusive for years and that she had gathered evidence of bruises and recorded incidents of violence, which had already been reported to the police before his arrival.
Another user, @peaceobule, reinforced the claims, calling Osah a “serial wife-beater” and stating that his deportation would be justified. “Your family friend deserves everything that came to him,” he wrote, implying that the wife had merely taken the opportunity to free herself from years of abuse.
Another notable case involved a Nigerian singer, Osemwengie Rejoice, popularly known as Young Mummy, who took to Facebook Live to expose her partner’s alleged deceit.
According to her, he had lied about being single when they started their relationship, concealing the fact that he had a family in Nigeria. After she became pregnant, they moved in together, and she claimed that he became abusive, controlling, and violent.
In her live broadcast, Young Mummy recounted how he allegedly tried to isolate her from her family and professional contacts.
“If I dey talk to my sister, he go bring quarrel come, if I dey talk to my producer, he go bring quarrel come,” she lamented in Pidgin English.
She also accused him of making threats, stating that he had warned her, “I go dagger you.”
During the broadcast, she was seen preventing him from entering her home, threatening to call the police as he pleaded for forgiveness, insisting he had nowhere else to go.
London Metropolitan Police officer’s response
With numerous such cases emerging, the police reportedly urged Nigerian women to refrain from filing unnecessary reports against their husbands.
Officers were said to have noted an influx of domestic complaints from Nigerian households, many of which could have been resolved amicably without police intervention.
A Nigerian community leader in the UK, who did not give her name, in a video which has now gone viral, stated, “It has becoming an embarrassment. Women who have been married to their husbands for over a decade in Nigeria suddenly get to the UK and start calling the police at the slightest provocation. Many do it simply to establish independence and gain sole custody of the children.”
The alleged statement from the police triggered a wave of reactions. Some argue that women have every right to seek protection, especially in cases of domestic abuse. Others, however, believe that some women are abusing the system, using police intervention as a tool to settle marital disputes or gain legal advantages.
The underlying issues
This growing trend raises important questions about cultural differences, marital expectations, and the impact of immigration on Nigerian families in the UK. While some Nigerian men may struggle to adapt to the UK’s strict laws on domestic conduct, others argue that certain women use these laws as a weapon rather than a shield.
Moreover, the sudden shift in power dynamics, where women who may have previously endured poor treatment in Nigeria now find themselves in a society that empowers them to take legal action, has further complicated marital relationships.
A UK-based social worker, speaking anonymously, remarked, “We’ve seen cases where some women use the law not as a means of protection but as a strategic tool. It is a double-edged sword. Real cases of abuse should be reported, but frivolous cases clog the system and make it harder for genuine victims to get help.”
‘Stop weaponising the system against your husbands’
Meanwhile, an official of the MET police has issued a stark warning to Nigerian women in the United Kingdom, urging them to desist from using law enforcement as a tool to oust their husbands from their homes.
The caution was delivered during a special women’s programme at Divine Restoration International Church, located at Hanworth House, John Ruskin Street, Camberwell, London.
Addressing the congregation, largely composed of Nigerian women, particularly of Yoruba descent, the officer, who alternated between English and Yoruba, expressed concern over the growing trend of family breakdowns fuelled by false allegations and police interventions.
According to the officer, it has been estimated that over 70 per cent of Yoruba women in England, Wales, and Ireland are single mothers, colloquially referred to as ‘Dalemosu’ in Yoruba. Many, he noted, had threatened their partners with police action, a practice that not only fractures homes but also deprives children of fatherly guidance.
The officer stressed that both parents play vital roles in a child’s upbringing, warning that using the justice system to remove fathers from their children’s lives would have long-term consequences on family stability and social cohesion.
While acknowledging that law enforcement should be contacted in genuine cases of abuse, the officer cautioned against fabricating accusations to gain an upper hand in marital disputes.
He also urged the women to be vigilant against the rising tide of knife crimes in the UK, a crisis that disproportionately affects young people, including children of African heritage.
While the police statement sparked mixed reactions, with some women defending their right to seek protection in troubled marriages, others acknowledged that some individuals abuse the system.
Many argue that the complexities of immigration, financial independence, and shifting gender roles contribute to marital tensions in the Diaspora, making it crucial to approach these issues with fairness and restraint.
The call from law enforcement serves as a reminder that while legal protections exist for victims of domestic abuse, these laws should not be manipulated to unfairly punish spouses or separate children from their fathers.
“Let peace reign in your homes. Allow your children to benefit from the love of both parents. The law is there to protect, not to be weaponised,” the Met officer said.
Why women abroad are quick to kick their husbands out
The phenomenon of women abroad swiftly ejecting their husbands from their homes, particularly among Nigerian immigrants, is a multifaceted issue deeply rooted in sociological and psychological factors, said senior psychologist, Dr Usen Essien.
Unlike in Nigeria, where cultural and economic realities often make it difficult for women to separate from their husbands even in cases of conflict, the UK and other first-world countries present a vastly different socio-legal landscape that empowers women to take drastic measures.
In contrast to Nigeria, where the legal system often favours men in marital disputes and where gender norms discourage women from reporting abuse, the UK provides immediate legal recourse.
Essien said women who felt threatened, rightly or wrongly, could call the police, obtain a restraining order, or seek emergency housing support.
This legal framework emboldens women to take action, whereas, in Nigeria, many would hesitate due to fear of social stigma, family interference, or lack of alternatives.
Essien added that the availability of social welfare benefits in the UK played a significant role.
“Many Nigerian women who migrate to the UK quickly realise that they are not financially dependent on their husbands as they might have been in Nigeria.
“Government support, including child benefits, housing assistance, and job opportunities, means that a woman does not have to stay in a marriage solely for survival.
“This contrasts with Nigeria, where economic reliance on husbands remains high, and leaving a marriage could mean financial ruin,” he added.
Changing gender dynamics
Migration often disrupts traditional gender roles. In Nigeria, many men are accustomed to being the dominant figures in the home, providing financial support while their wives maintain the household.
However, when a couple relocates abroad, these dynamics frequently shift.
Many women find better job opportunities, access to education, and increased independence, which can create tension if their husbands struggle to adapt.
Men who fail to adjust to these new power dynamics may find themselves on the receiving end of their wives’ frustration, leading to an increased likelihood of separation.
