Physically challenged man, Joseph Egenti, who got married to a beautiful lady, speaks to MOTUNRAYO AKINRUN on how he met his wife, and the challenges he has faced with his condition
How will you describe your growing up days?
My name is Joseph Egenti. I am from the Nkiru Local Government Area of Imo State. I have a National Diploma in Accounting from the Lagos State Polytechnic. Growing up was quite nice. I grew up in a family of five – three boys and two girls. I grew up in the Orile area of Lagos State, and it’s not been easy because when you go out, people kind of make jest of you. The encouragement I get from my family and friends has helped me to move ahead. It has not been easy, but God in His infinite mercy has made it possible for me to overlook things and then move ahead. I don’t see things beyond myself. I always see things above myself because I mingle with people who aspire to be great in life. So I don’t see things below my standard. Even when you laugh at me, I don’t see it as anything, and that has kept me going; it has kept me moving. If you look at me and say this is a short guy with a hunchback, I just take it as a normal thing that you are talking to yourself. I don’t feel bad.
Did your parents take action by taking you to hospital to correct the hunchback?
Yes, they tried. My dad was a banker with the UBA, and he tried his best. There was a doctor who wanted to transfer me to India for the operation. We were working on that, and then the doctor died. That was so many years back. This thing started when I was about four years old, I wasn’t born with it. It’s kind of spiritual and fetish stuff. So when the doctor died, everybody was fed up with the whole situation; we’d spent a lot of money; we had paid the doctor already. Nobody knows the cause of his death. So we had to resign to fate; maybe it is God’s will that it is like that.
Before the doctor died, he said it was a 50/50 chance that I might survive the procedure, or I might not survive it. My mum was sceptical about it so why not leave it this way since it is 50/50 chance. So it was the fear of the unknown for my mum; she said okay since the doctor died, that means God doesn’t want us to do the operation. Let’s leave it like that. So my parents tried their best.
Are you the only one with a hunchback in your family?
None of my siblings is handicapped or physically challenged. They are all perfectly okay.
How do you feel when people try to show you pity?
There is one thing about me; if you show me pity, I will keep you off. Don’t show me pity because I believe I can do whatever any other person does. While growing up, I ran so well. I was in the sport of athletics. I was one of the best in running. I also played football back then. But as time went on, age took so many things from me. So I believe whatever any other person can do, I can do it also. I drive, I got married, and my wife gave birth. Once you show me pity, I won’t come near you again. I will stay away from you because I’m a risk-taker. I’m adventurous. So I just want to do things that people think I can’t do.
I left my father’s house after secondary school because so many people felt this guy, his father is okay; he works in the bank, and he is living under his father’s wealth. When I heard the story, I said wow, I had to leave. My mum was calling me to come back; I said I wanted to leave, let me see how the world is without parental guidance. When I left, I understood what life was all about.
People will mock you, good or bad. People will always talk. So I left the home and I built myself. That was when I ventured into the sachet water business. When my father heard that I was working in a sachet water company, he shouted, ‘Come back here, come and go to school’. I said no way. I used what I was making from the sachet water business to train myself at the Lagos State Polytechnic. Every oneis of my siblings went to the university. Not because my father couldn’t train me, no, but because I wanted to turn people’s reasoning around, because they felt I was under the influence of my family, and that I couldn’t do anything on my own. I just wanted to let people know that I could do things through Christ who strengthens me.
Have there been times when people tried to take advantage of you?
That is normal. People will always want to take advantage of you because they feel you are physically challenged. But one thing about me is that I don’t believe in people taking advantage of me. I have a principle; first of all, I choose my friends. You don’t choose me as a friend, I choose you as a friend because I want to see your intellectuality when it comes to reasoning. I don’t give room for that at all. Why will you take advantage of me? Because maybe you are taller, no; I rule the world in which I am. So nobody takes advantage of me; I will tell you to your face that you are nobody. Why people take advantage of people because you don’t know who you are. At this time, level, and age, I don’t see why somebody would take advantage of me. If you know who you are and know what you can give out, if you are nobody, a nonentity, and an illiterate, that is when people will take advantage of you.
Nobody has taken advantage of me because I rule my vicinity; I rule my world. You can’t come closer to me to dictate what should happen in my territory. I keep to myself; you keep to yourself; my empire is my empire; your empire is your empire. So I dictate what will happen in my empire. If you want to do something, I don’t trespass in your empire.
What are the misconceptions people have about people with hunchbacks?
Based on different thoughts, people think hunchbacks are aliens; they feel they are cursed people. Because when I wanted to get married to my wife, they said it was a cursed thing; they never wanted me to get married to her. But she was in love with me; she loves me so much. So many people feel we are an accursed and rejected set of people. People have different kinds of misconceptions about people in that kind of family. Just because they are not in that kind of family, they can think whatsoever. Some people may be born with it, but I wasn’t born with it. At least I saw myself when I was about a year or two years old.
Have you ever lost a friendship due to your condition?
No, I have never lost a friendship due to my condition. I’m a social person. I play a lot. I choose you as a friend; you don’t choose me as a friend. Even if you choose me as a friend, I want to see your mindset and the way you reason. I choose people that I want to talk to, people who choose me as a friend.
Where did you meet your wife?
When I wanted to get married before I met my wife, there was a girl I was dating, and the family asked if I had up to N500,000 to take care of their daughter. That was when I knew this was not the right person. I moved out of that environment even though my rent was not due; I had to leave there for another environment where I met my wife. The first time I saw my wife, I saw a lady from a far distance and whenever I tried to to come close to her, she would disappear; I didn’t know where she ran to. Not until the third time when I get to meet her, and I spoke to her, we shared contacts and we became friends. That was 2015, and we got married in 2018.
How were you able to convince her to marry you?
When we got to meet, I fell in love with her, and she fell in love with me. Marriage is not about physical things; marriage is about conviction, love, trust, communication, intellectuality, and care. Meeting my wife was a divine intervention from God.
What kind of support did you receive from your family while growing up?
I receive 100 per cent support from my family, cousins, and relatives because I am loveable in nature. I’m friendly, jovial, and entertaining.
What have been some of the major challenges along the journey?
From what I see, the basic challenge along this journey is when you go for a job interview, they tend to see you as not being capable of doing the kind of job that they want you to do. But for the few ones I’ve worked with, I gave my best. I work the extra mile to give them the best. Another challenge I see is people not believing in you based on the physical challenge.
What advice do you have for people living with disabilities?
Never look down on yourself. Be strong, upright, and straightforward in all you do, and have the fear of God in you.
What are the most important life lessons you have learned?
The most important lesson I’ve learned is to be grateful.
