Lagos-based lady, Gift Joseph-Egenti, who married a physically challenged man, tells MOTUNRAYO AKINRUN what attracted her to her husband and how her family reacted to her choice of man
How did you and your husband meet?
My name is Gift Joseph-Egenti. I’m from Imo State. I obtained my Secondary School Leaving Certificate and also trained as an auxiliary nurse. Currently, I’m working as a clerical member of staff in a hospital. My husband moved to my area when I was staying with my parents around 2015. I went to visit my classmates then, and they were talking about my husband because he just moved to the area and they were discussing his height and shape. They were laughing at him and saying he liked women a lot, that they’d been seeing him with different women since he moved in. So I already had that hate feeling for him based on what my friends said about him. One Sunday afternoon I was fetching water after church and he was passing; immediately I saw him, I just knew that was him because of the way they described him. He called me that day to get my number to talk to me but I didn’t answer him based on what my friends said about him. It happened the second time when I was going somewhere, he was calling me and I didn’t answer.
The third time I had to answer because his car bumper pulled out and people gathered around him. All the louts gathered and they were trying to help him and they were like boss what happened. He then came down and he was like it was this girl I was trying to call, I’ve been trying to call her, she has not been answering me, so I wanted to catch up with her, that was how my bumper got damaged. I now had to stop and I was like what happened, so it is because you want to talk to me that’s why you want to spoil your car bumper. He said yes, that he had been trying to call me, and that anytime he tried I was not answering him. So I just told him immediately that I’d not been answering him because I didn’t like him.
When he heard that he was like oh that means that you’ve heard something about me; what did you hear about me, because you don’t know me? I now said I didn’t hear anything about him but I didn’t just like him. He now said I should not judge him on what people said about him, but that I should get to know him and give him the chance to know me, then I could now do whatever I wanted after that. Immediately he said that I just felt calm, and reasoned that truly I didn’t know who he was, but based my initial reaction on what my friends said about him. So that day, we exchanged contacts; that was 2015. We exchanged contacts and started talking; then, in 2018 we got married.
What qualities attracted you to your husband?
The qualities that first attracted me to him were his innocent look, his voice, his calmness, and the way he spoke. He’s very intelligent and caring.
How do you handle societal judgments or stereotypes?
I just overlook them; that’s the thing that has been helping me. I don’t let them get to me.
Do you mean you never felt bad when people mocked or trolled you?
I always feel bad when people mock or troll me, of course, every normal person will feel bad. But what I just do is to tell myself, ‘Gift, don’t let this get to you. You already knew this was what you wanted and you went for it. So nobody’s talk or opinion or troll will make me change my mind; I just put myself together, ignore, and overlook things.
Can you share some of your fondest memories with your husband?
I think the day he asked me to marry him was one of the best I don’t want to forget. Apart from that, everything has just been blissful and normal.
What challenges have you faced as a couple?
There are no challenges for now.
You mentioned that you haven’t faced any challenges as a couple. Would you say you guys don’t have misunderstandings at all for the years you’ve been together?
Of course, we’ve had our misunderstandings. We’ve had a lot of misunderstandings. Every marriage has its misunderstanding, it is just the ability to work on it and move on.
How do you settle disputes with your husband?
We just talk about them. We communicate a lot, because communication has been the pillar of our marriage. We have this rule that has been working for us since we got married that we don’t quarrel till 12am. We would have settled whatever dispute we have before we cross over to the next day.
How do you support each other’s personal growth and goals?
We pray together, try to support one another with prayers, encourage ourselves, and then be in support of whatever goals that we have.
Have you ever lost a friendship due to your marriage to your husband?
Yes, I’ve lost a lot of friendship. If I can remember vividly, I lost like two or three.
What motivates you whenever you are emotionally down?
It will be my husband. My husband is my biggest motivation. Whenever I’m down, my husband sings, because he has a very nice voice. Even if he is not around, maybe he travels, I will just call him on the phone, and say, ‘Babe, can you just sing for me’? He will just sing and I’ll just snap back, and before you know it, I’m fine. So that’s just it. My husband’s voice is my biggest motivation.
What do you admire most about your husband?
What I admire most about my husband is his spirit to do more. He wants to do more, know more, acquire more, and get more. He wants to be where his mates are; he does not look at his condition and says he’ll just relent. He wants to do what other people are doing. He wants to do everything.
your parents’ reaction when you took him home?
My parents accepted him immediately. They were in full support of our relationship. The only problem I had was my siblings, but my mum and dad accepted him fully. A pastor later said something that made my mum’s mind change a little bit, and when she prayed about it, she loved him. It was my siblings that were against the relationship.
What role does humour play in your relationship?
I would say it helps us create positive vibes and feelings, which bring us together. It helps keep our relationship vibrant, and enjoyable and helps build strength in our relationship.
What are your hopes and dreams for your future together?
My hopes and my dreams for our future is just to build, and grow old together in love and happiness. We have a lot we want to do together. We want to achieve our dreams together with love.
What inspires you to start creating content together?
There’s nothing in particular. I think I posted a picture and it went viral. So my friend, who is a content creator, now advised that we should just continue from there since we were getting attention; so that’s just it. Nothing inspired us.
Have you encountered any misconceptions about your relationship?
We get this almost daily. I remember when I got married to my husband, people said a lot of things that the relationship was not going to last, and that I was going to leave him soon. I’ve heard people saying that they know this guy must have money, that’s why this girl got married to him. A lot of people say he must have an inheritance somewhere that the girl is waiting for. I’ve heard a lot of misconceptions.
What advice will you give to others in similar situations?
My advice for them is that they should go for what they want. I’ve had cases of people coming into my DM to tell me that they are also in this kind of situation and they’ve been looking for something to boost their hope and make them go for that kind of man. And I tell them please if I’m that motivation you’ve been waiting for, my darling go for it. So that’s my advice for those people. Go for what you want, don’t allow anything to make you back down and change your mind. Go for your man. They should not let anything or anyone make them feel bad about their choice. Since they’re going for it that means they are in full support of it, so they should not allow anything or anyone whatsoever to discourage them.
