BABATUNDE TITILOLA writes about former corps members who found their life partners while serving under the National Youth Service Corps programme
“One does not seek love… it should find you all on its own,” said Barbara Lieberman in her book, The Treasure of Ravenwood. This came to Olaoluwa Ayiloge’s mind as he excitedly recalled how what looked like a usual day turned out to be the start of a happily-ever-after love story.
For the 31-year-old car dealer, his love journey started from a place he never would have thought; he also never planned on picking a bride from a National Youth Service Corps orientation camp.
Having been through the rigorous activities of the orientation camp in Abia State in the three week of the programme, Olaoluwa walked into a barber’s on the Sunday morning of August 8, 2021 for a haircut. While the barber was doing what he knew best, fate brought the woman who later became his wife into the shop.
Despite being in the same group since the camp opened two weeks earlier, Olaoluwa never summoned the courage to approach the lady, who he later identified as Barakat.
“I called her and started talking to her and teasing her just to know more about her,” Olaoluwa told Sunday According while trying to settle in for the day’s business in his office in the Obada area of Ogun State.
“I used to see her during band activities but I was always scared to walk up to her because I thought she was in a relationship with another guy in the band. I did not know they were just friends. We both played drums.
“After a long conversation with her, she opened up to me that they were just friends. The following night, I asked her out and she said we should give it a try. Gradually, she started falling in love with me and I loved her vibes during the period in the orientation camp,” he added.
Barakat described her camp experience as one that set her future in motion.
The native of Kogi State who now owns a beauty studio in Abeokuta, Ogun state, confirmed to our correspondent that she was in the same band with Olaoluwa in the Abia camp but the two never said a word to each other.
She said, “We never got to talk to each other but I noticed his eyes were always on me. The day we met at the barber’s shop was the first day he spoke to me and collected my number. That was the second week in the camp.
“I won’t lie, falling in love with him was so interesting. He is a sweet guy. He helped me with everything in camp and made camp easier for me because the first week was exhausting but everything changed and became easy after he came into the picture.
“One day, he introduced me to his mum.”
Separation scare
However, toward the end of the orientation in the camp, Barakat told Sunday According became curious about the fate of her newfound love. Sensing an imminent separation from camp and from love, Olaoluwa urged her to redeploy to Ogun State where they would both serve.
That was the universe’s plan of keeping the two lovebirds together.
She said, “I thought we might not see each other again after camp because I wanted to redeploy to Abuja and he wanted to go to Ogun state. But he begged me to follow him to Ogun state.
“I refused at first but he promised he was going to sort everything out and make it easy for me. I later agreed and we both redeployed to Ogun. I was living in Lagos then but had to travel to Ogun for registration and all.”
She added, “After I got my Place of Primary Assignment, I wanted to rent an apartment but Olaoluwa insisted that I should stay with him. I agreed and then we started staying together but I return to Lagos on weekends.
“After two months, he said I should stop going to Lagos because he was not comfortable with that anymore. We had a little disagreement about it because I said I didn’t want to abandon my place in Lagos.
“We resolved it and I agreed to bring my things with the help of his brother. We went there and I took the little things I would need. I had to call my mum to go pack my furniture and other things left in the Lagos house because I would be staying in Abeokuta.”
The nail technician said she realised Olaoluwa was the one for her when he asked her to go and spend some days with his mum and dad so she could get to know them.
“That was when I realised this guy was actually mine. Our relationship had lasted for just a year when he said we were getting married and that I should talk to my family and ask them when he should come for the introduction.
“I met him in camp on August 8, 2021. His parents came to meet my parents on August 21, 2022 and then they asked for a wedding date and engagement list;we gave them the date and we started the preparations.
“We had the court wedding on November 24, 2022 and had the introduction and engagement the same day on Jan 7, 2023. Our wedding was among the best in 2023, I won’t lie. Since then, we have been living happily and hoping to have beautiful kids together,” she recalled with a grin.
Barakat said she believed living together before marriage could help partners understand each other better, though the process should not be rushed.
“Ladies should focus on their career first. The right man for you will come at the right time. I found out that people have on and off mode; it is easy to be the perfect girlfriend and boyfriend when you only see each other a few times a week.
“Your partner is also your roommate. If you can’t live with him, don’t be with him,” she added.
Serving the fatherland
The National Youth Service Corps was established by the Federal Government of Nigeria in 1973 to mobilise and train graduates of universities and polytechnics to achieve objectives set out for the corps.
Nigerian graduates are required to take part in the National Youth Service Corps programme for one mandatory year which is called the national service year.
According to its mission statement, the agency wants “to raise the moral tone of our youths by giving them opportunity to learn about high ideals of national achievement, social and cultural improvement.”
According to its official website, the structure of the service year which every corps member must satisfactorily participate in before they are qualified to be issued a certificate of national service include the “orientation course, primary assignment, community development service, and passing-out”.
The orientation course is the first segment of the service year. Graduates who register to be mobilised for the one year service are first posted to states for their orientation camping exercise which lasts for three weeks.
During the three weeks, corps members engage in several activities which have been scheduled by the agency.
However, amid the overwhelming camp activities, some corps members find love with the prospect of marriage.
The Ayiloges’ romantic journey resonates with many former corps members who spoke with our correspondent about their experience in the orientation camps which promote socialisation and social events that bring together different youths from different cultures.
In October, 2021, a man identified as Alex Peter posted on the media-sharing platform, Instagram, that he was celebrating the third anniversary of his marriage with a lady he met at an NYSC camp in 2018.
Attaching pictures of himself and his wife in the NYSC uniform and wedding clothes, he stated, “How it started in NYSC camp in 2018 and how it is going three years later.”
A Facebook user, Remmy Hazzan, shared a post on March 3, 2023, where he said he had been married for 22 years to his wife who he met during the NYSC programme.
Sharing a picture of both of them in their khaki uniform, Hazzan said, “From corpers to couples, 22 years on. Not only has the wine become sweeter, the honeymoon has virtually become endless. Happy wedding anniversary to us.”
Findings by our correspondent showed that the NYSC mobilises between 350,000 and 400,000 graduates each year. Although there is no guaranteed chance of finding love anywhere, the stories of corps members who found love indicate that NYSC camps may just have a romantic charm.
“A lot of things go on in camps especially when it comes to guys and ladies hanging out together, so there are many flings. What matters is what you want and why you want it,” said an ex-corps member, John Adeyi.
Sunday Adisa, an inventory accountant based in Ibadan, Oyo State, took a break to attend to his wife’s call when our correspondent approached him.
“She is in her workplace and just called to check on me because I just came back home now. Love is not blind except you are blind.
“You do not say love is blind and overlook the things you cannot condone in marriage. You must work it out.
“Set your preferences and standards. That’s what you should look for in anyone you want to be with. The 21 days in (the NYSC) camp is too short to determine whether you want to marry someone or not. There’s a lot that goes into that,” he added.
But how did Adisa end up with what he considered to be an enjoyable marriage?
He met his wife, Oluwatoyosi, while he was coordinating the camp’s band in the NYSC camp in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, in May 2021.
It was the first day of the band’s rehearsal and Adisa could not help being carried away by the beauty of a lady. As he later learnt, she was interested in learning how to play a drum in the same team that Adisa would be coordinating.
The universe surely has a way of connecting people, he thought.
“I told my members to send me a message so I could add them to the group. When she sent a message and I shared the group’s link to her, she said I was too blunt and was not giving any room for friendship.
“She advised me to treat people better, and we became friends.
“We started communicating and I discovered she’s a chef and has a business in Ado-Ekiti. I am a business-oriented person too and was running a brand too and later joined my friends in selling cars. I developed an interest in her because she’s not just beautiful but also a businesswoman; that motivated me,” he added.
He told our correspondent that he believed there was a divine intervention at some point as he found himself back in Port Harcourt after relocating to Ibadan.
He said, “After the 21-day camp. She wanted to stay with someone in Port Harcourt and I had to stay at the NCCF lodge. We were communicating all through.
“I travelled back to Ibadan for my relocation and was trying to find a suitable PPA. I met a man and he told me to go back to Port Harcourt because God had something for me there.
“I told him about my business but he said it didn’t matter. The following day, I had an accident in Ibadan.
“That day, I made up my mind and I went back to Port Harcourt to cancel the relocation. I was eventually posted to a school and was given accommodation close to where she was already staying.”
Two years later, the couple got married.
Corpers in love need counselling – Experts
A marriage counsellor, Omowunmi Ayeni-Oluwagbemiga, however, told our correspondent that though those who are ready for marriage should not look for perfect partners, several factors contribute to healthy relationships beyond mere feelings.
She said, “There’s no one-size-fits-all ideal romantic relationship. However there are some key ingredients that need to be present in a healthy relationship. They are friendship, communication, shared values and goals, emotional intimacy, knowledge and the most important thing is the presence of God.
“Love can blossom in unexpected places all the time. While some situations might seem less conducive to relationships (like working long hours or living in remote locations), sparks can fly regardless.”
The counsellor, who also met her husband during her youth service year, said young couples must intentionally take care of their relationships to avoid broken marriages.
She added that pre-marital counselling was an important step to nurturing the relationship.
Ayeni-Oluwagbemiga, said, “Many graduates who met at NYSC camps went on to have happy and fulfilling marriages. The key is to nurture the connection after camp, communicate openly, go for pre-marital counselling, and build a life together based on shared values and mutual respect.
“However, wrong priorities, poor knowledge of themselves and each other, ineffective communication, and many other factors can lead to short-term and broken relationships.
“For those who intend to find love in NYSC camps, be present in the moment, expand your circle, focus on personal growth and be open minded. Find yourself, invest in yourself, and be visible. Know and speak each other’s love language. Everyone has a way they want to be loved.”
Similarly, a personal development and career coach, Kayode Ajani, counseling would help corps members who fall in love with one another during service to determine whether their feelings last only for the duration of the service or are long-term.
“Majority of them are always carried away with the excitement of the moment, leaving out important things. In respect to this, pre-marital counselling is important but often neglected.
“Often time, we leave it for pastors and Imams, but it is not the same with professional counselling which is important for the sustainability of a romantic relationship before and after marriage,” he said.
“If they get married after the NYSC programme, they are advised to go for counselling by a certified professional and this is beyond media hype. Through the sessions, they will be exposed to the reality of life and other issues including adjusting to the new reality, finances and behavioural adjustment.
“At this stage (post-NYSC), adjusting to the new reality might be a challenge, the foundation of their love might begin to pass through some test, most especially finances. So a counsellor is needed,” he added.
However, orientation camps offer different opportunities, finding love, for different people, the Deputy Registrar, Students’ Affairs, at the Oyo State College of Agriculture and Technology, Rahaman Onike, told our correspondent.
“People can find love anywhere. It is a matter of attraction, choice a person decides to make, taste and preferences. Whether in the school, place of worship, NYSC orientation camp, social gatherings or even recreation centres, one can actually find love.
“Academic pursuits or social challenges may not be a hindrance or obstacle for young men and ladies getting married regardless of the place where they first met and the circumstance surrounding their first contact.
“Orientation camp offers opportunities for Corps Members to interact, share experiences and enter into relationships that may lead to marriage, if properly nurtured and well managed,” he added.
Onike said based on experience and social realities, nothing is wrong in a corps member finding partners during camp activities and eventually getting married, adding that “some graduates might have conceived the idea in the first instance with the sole aim of desperately looking for a partner to marry”.
He, however, cautioned against getting “married without courtship” as love at first sight might not necessarily guarantee cultural affinity, social compatibility and workability of the marriage.
He added, “Before considering the idea of marriage, the partners need to take time to study each other, consider factors of compatibility and family related issues. Candidly, graduates who become friends during camp must go into courtship for some time before thinking of getting married.
“One must not rush into marriage. If you rush into marriage, you are bound to rush out.”
NYSC mum
When Sunday According contacted the Director of Press and Public Relations of the NYSC, Eddy Megwa, for comments, he told our correspondent to reach out to him the following day. However, he had yet to respond to subsequent messages including questions sent to him via WhatsApp as of the time of filing this report.
