VICTOR AYENI captures the pain and grief suffered by families of Nigerian soldiers who grapple with the tragic loss of their relatives and loved ones killed in the line of duty
The weathered face of retired Warrant Officer, Zakari Aliu, father of the late Captain Usman Zakari, was etched with lines of sorrow and fatigue as he spoke.
Aliu’s eyes, once filled with hope and determination, are now hollow, reflecting the deep anguish of a parent who has lost a child.
Although he tried to find solace in the knowledge that his late 34-year-old son died a hero, serving his country, the memories of his late son were like a dagger to his heart, reopening wounds that may never fully heal.
Usman, who rose to the rank of a captain in January 2023, was one of the military personnel gruesomely murdered by irate individuals in the Okuama community in the Ughelli South Local Government Area of Delta State.
According to the official statement issued by the Federal Government on March 17, “The incident occurred on Thursday, March 14, 2024, when our troops, responding to a crisis between Okuama and Okoloba communities in Delta State, were ambushed.
“A commanding officer, two majors, one captain, and 12 soldiers sadly lost their lives. One civilian was also killed.”
Speaking at the burial for the murdered personnel at the National Military Cemetery in Abuja, Aliu, who was himself a soldier for 35 years, disclosed that Usman joined the service in 2015.
“He was a very obedient son. As a father, anytime I spoke to him, he looked down. He didn’t raise his head to look at my eyes; he was my first son. Since he joined the military, no accusing fingers were pointed at him by his colleagues. He stayed with me all through his school days.
“He was married with no child yet. He was expecting one before his death, his wife is pregnant. It hurts me as a father when I hear it but it is something you can’t revert.
“I will still allow my son to join the military; what happened was an accident. I joined it (the military) and finished successfully. I was untouched throughout my service year. This can happen to anyone at any time; it was an accident,” he said.
Regarding his son’s murderers, Aliu added, “I leave them in the hands of the Federal Government. It is already handling that.”
Plight of a grieving mother
A dense mist of sorrow hung around the residence of the late Commanding Officer of the 181 Amphibious Battalion, Lieutenant Colonel Abdullahi Ali, another victim of the Okuama murders.
As a young man, Abdullahi joined the Army in 1996 as a member of the 43 intake following his graduation from the Usman Danfodiyo University, Sokoto.
Struggling under the weight of crushing grief, his mother, Hassana, paused at intervals as she recalled how her late son used to frequently take permission to visit her before returning to his work.
“He is my favourite child,” the mother of the late 48-year-old senior officer said.
“I don’t know what to do. His death is bitter in my heart, but God knows the best. The last time he came to see me was just two weeks ago.
“Honestly, it is devastating because he is now the fourth one I lost. I have nothing to say but God is watching. He was very good to me; I lacked nothing from him. I have nothing to tell them (the perpetrators, but God is watching everyone; he will judge on the final day,” she stated in an interview with Daily Trust.
The distraught mother recounted how Abdullahi’s brother, also an officer of the Nigerian Army, was killed by suspected bandits in an ambush in Katsina State in 2019.
“His brother, Captain Jamilu Ali Hassan, also paid the supreme price in 2019 in Katsina State. His colleagues told me that they were helpless, so they allowed him to be killed in a manner that no one would wish, even his enemy.
“I don’t know what to do. I am speechless. But if anybody has a hand in this, God is watching and He will judge accordingly,” she added, noting that her late husband, also a military man, died peacefully after his retirement.
Amid tears, the wife of the deceased, Hauwa Ali, described the father of six as a truly dedicated man who sacrificed his life for Nigeria.
She lamented, “Words cannot describe him because he was everything to us. He was a man of his word, dedicated to both his family and work.
“Apart from his family, he sacrificed his life for Nigeria, and that’s the price he has paid. I pray that wherever he is, God will continue to be with him.
“We know that death is inevitable. As Muslims, we have to die at some point in time, but I am really shattered by the way my husband was killed. He called me that very day and told me that he was going on a peace mission.
“I never knew that it was the last time we would speak. Nobody could call to tell me the news until Saturday, when I was called from the State House.”
When she was asked if she would allow some of her children to join the military, she noted, “I will not advise any of his children to join the military. Their father has already sacrificed his life for the country.”
My son was about to get married – Grieving mother
The mother of the late Private Peter Hamman, Mrs Hanatu Hamman, broke down in tears as she recounted how her deceased son had been her major source of financial support.
Peter, who was among the slain military personnel in Okuama, was enlisted into the Nigerian Army on 23 April 2019.
Speaking at the mass burial service held last Wednesday, Hanatu said, “This my son, anything I say he’ll hear me. When he joined the army, he was the one who gave me money to feed and even take care of my health when I was down.
“When anything happened to me, I called him at once and he sent me money to solve my problem. Now that he is no more, I still give God the glory.
“I’m in God’s hand now, I don’t have anyone to run to for help. Those soldiers that survived, may God help and protect them as they do their job. My son was planning to get married before his death.”
Similarly, Ahmed Abutu, the brother of Lance Corporal Abdul Ibrahim, described the deceased as the breadwinner of the family, noting that the news of his death during the incident in Okuama came with great shock.
“It’s a great loss to the family; there is nothing that will compensate for the life of a man. He died fighting for this country, so that is our consolation. So if the government feels that this is what they can do, according to Mr President that this is what they can do for the family, we appreciate them.
“For the perpetrators, a criminal is not supposed to live in the society, so anywhere they are, they (the authorities) should fish them out. Our security agencies should go out day and night to bring those people to book. We’ll be grateful,” Abutu added.
21 orphans, 10 widows
During the burial of the slain soldiers on March 27, the Chief of Army Staff Lt. Gen. Taoreed Lagbaja, disclosed that the slain soldiers left behind four pregnant wives, 10 widows and 21 orphans.
He added that it took over 72 hours to recover some vital organs of the decapitated and disemboweled bodies of the soldiers that were scattered all over the Okuama community by the perpetrators and their accomplices.
“The Okuama killing has added to the care of the Nigerian Army and, by extension, the Nigeria state, 10 widows (three of whom are four, five, and eight months pregnant), 21 orphans, and many other dependents which include parents,” Lagbaja stated.
During the ceremony, President Bola Tinubu conferred posthumous national honours on the 17 slain military personnel, noting that “each man now belongs to the hallowed list of servicemen and women who defended our country and protected their fellow Nigerians, not minding the risk to their own lives”.
“They have all been awarded posthumous national honours. The four gallant officers have been accorded the award of Member of the Order of Niger. The 13 courageous soldiers who also lost their lives have been awarded the Officer of the Federal Republic medal.”
The President also promised to provide housing for each of the families of the four officers and 13 soldiers in any part of the country as well as scholarships up to the university for the children of the deceased, including the unborn.
Tinubu further directed the military high command to pay the benefits of the fallen heroes within 90 days.
Tunnels of pain
Despite the gnomic promises made by the government, Opeyemi, a soldier who lost his elder brother to the cold hands of death still reels from the pain of loss.
“My brother, Salaudeen, died last year in March in an ambush by bandits. He died by serving Nigeria and protecting the people. He was a brave soldier. He promised to serve on the job and retire but death took him away.
“I know that one day, we must all die, but not like this. The pain is too much for us. May God bless the Nigerian Army and may the soul of my lovely brother continue to rest in peace,” Opeyemi said, in a chat with our Sunday According.
Also sharing his painful ordeal, Isaac Tobi, the elder brother of Lawrence Tobi, a soldier who was killed by Boko Haram terrorists, disclosed that he advised him against joining the Nigerian Army.
Lawrence was among the soldiers killed in January 2021 when insurgents engaged the Nigerian military in a four-hour battle to take control of the Dikwa community in Borno State.
The attack happened a few hours after then Lt Gen Tukur Buratai, handed over to Maj Gen Ibrahim Attahiru as the Chief of Army Staff.
The gun battle which reportedly started about 6 pm and lasted till around 10 pm, claimed many casualties, including Lawrence.
Isaac told Sahara Reporters, “Tobi Lawrence was my only brother. My mother had five children – three girls and two boys. I am the first child while Tobi Lawrence was the last child of my mother. In 2015, he told me he wanted to join the Nigerian Army but I told him to join the Nigeria Police Force instead.
“He came back to me and said he didn’t want to join the police and insisted on being a soldier. So, I had no option but to support him. We started the journey (to get him to become a soldier) but he couldn’t make it because he was not shortlisted.
“So, the following year, that was 2016, he told me we should continue with the race for him to be enlisted as a soldier. So we started consulting, and we spoke to someone named Fidelix at Ogida Barracks in Benin (Edo State); it was the man who actually helped us, he made my late brother enlist in the Nigerian Army.
“A week before his demise, my brother called me that they were going to the forest. They were told to carry some things along to meet those who were already inside the forest. Usually, when they go in the morning, they return late in the evening.
“The day he was killed, he called me in the morning to say they were on their way. So in the evening, I waited for him to call me but he didn’t. I became worried because he had promised to call me in the evening. I tried his number several times, but it did not connect.
“The next day, which was a Saturday, I started calling him but it was the same thing. Then someone called me with a strange number and asked if I was Tobi Isaac, I said yes. Then he told me what happened. I asked him how and he told me it was a Boko Haram attack.”
He further recalled how much financial help he used to receive from his brother.
“I miss him very much, he used to help me. Once I called him and said, ‘My brother, I don’t have any cash,’ he would send money to me,” he added.
On his part, Obinna Uzor lamented how his brother, a soldier, had barely spent six months in Borno State where he was posted in 2019 when he was brutally killed by Boko Haram terrorists.
“Jim got married in 2018 and on July 17, 2019, he sent in words that his newly married wife just delivered a baby boy and we rejoiced. Then on September 19, he informed me about his posting from Kaduna to Borno to fight Boko Haram; he told me he was on his way to Maiduguri.
“We rightly had mixed feelings about it, but as a true soldier, disciplined and courageous, Jim had no choice. He believed that it was God’s will and when he reached his destination safely, he continued in his work, only for me to receive the news of his violent demise on March 14, 2020,” he said.
“He loved everyone as a family. He called everyone ‘My paddy’ and was a jovial man. He was always in my thoughts when that year began, especially when my father died and I didn’t hear from him. I began nursing some deep-seated fear.
“The painful part was that we were broke early in 2020, so we didn’t communicate via chats and telephone calls, but he was always in our prayers only to receive news of his demise. My brother may be gone, but I know and he too knows it doesn’t end here. The battle continues until the enemies are defeated and destroyed,” he added.
In a Facebook post dated March 27, 2019, Aminu Muhammad, narrated how his family tried to discourage his late younger brother, Akeem, from becoming a soldier.
He sadly recalled how Akeem was finally enlisted in the army and his major posting was to combat Boko Haram, noting that he had escaped death on four occasions before he lost his life at the age of 27.
He wrote, “Growing up, all you wanted so passionately to do was serve Nigeria as a soldier. All efforts to discourage you failed. After trying thrice and failing, we thought you would give up especially since you were already earning money in Minna. But again, you tried the fourth time and succeeded.
“You finally got what you had always wanted from childhood. Your first major posting was to go face Boko Haram. Many felt you should leave but, you would always say, ‘It’s a job I took for Nigeria.’
“Four times you escaped deadly attacks with many of your colleagues killed in some cases. All the time, you would ask us to keep praying for you rather than asking you to leave because you won’t.
“Again, your team of 15 men came under attack. The vehicle you were travelling in was bombed by Boko Haram. All your colleagues we were told died except you. While most were beyond recognition, you survived with shattered legs. We found a way to thank God that at least you survived.”
He added, “We didn’t know your survival was going to be brief. We were to be told later again that you couldn’t carry on. The Nigeria you were passionate to serve, you died for her. How could I have imagined that you would go before me when I buried your placenta 27 years ago?
“Thank you for your passionate service to Nigeria. Rest in peace, my brother. Akeem my brother, it’s painful to bid you farewell. But, who are we when God has made a decision? May Allah in his infinite kindness turn your suffering in the army which you severally narrated as restitution for all your sins.”
Too many fallen heroes
Findings by Sunday According. revealed that dozens of Nigerian soldiers have been ambushed and gruesomely murdered by Boko Haram members, Islamic State of West African terrorists, bandits, and other non-state actors.
The National Security Tracker run by the Council on Foreign Relations, between January 1 and May 15 of 2022 showed that criminals killed 323 security agents across the country. The victims included soldiers, among others.
A report by a geopolitical intelligence platform, SBM Intelligence, revealed that no fewer than 642 soldiers were killed between the fourth quarter of 2020 and the third quarter of 2021, noting that about 72 soldiers have so far been killed by terrorists as of April 2022.
On January 22, 2021, Boko Haram ambushed and fired machine guns at a Nigerian army patrol in Borno, killing seven soldiers and injuring others.
The attack occurred barely five days after the gunmen activated seven improvised explosive devices against a Nigerian Army convoy of armoured personnel carriers and other vehicles, escorted by a foot patrol in Gorgi, Borno.
According to military sources, over 30 soldiers were killed during the ambush.
A report by Sunday According on March 29, 2020, detailed how Boko Haram insurgents ambushed and killed over 70 Nigerian soldiers of Operation Lafiya Dole.
The soldiers were killed in Gorigi near Allargano Forest, a general area of Borno State when the insurgents fired a rocket-propelled grenade at the truck conveying the troops from the rear, killing no fewer than 70 soldiers in the ambush.
One of the sources told Sunday According, “The terrorists got information about the operation from the villagers, so they laid staggered ambush for us and attacked our troops from the rear. When soldiers move like that, the rear mainly supports elements of the advancing forces while the main fighting force is ahead.
“That was why they decided to attack our convoy from behind, killing many of our colleagues. They fired rocket-propelled grenades at the truck conveying them and because they were carrying bombs, the impact was much. We are saddened by the attack but we won’t give up. Seeing many of our colleagues killed hurts a lot.”
Similarly, in January 2019, the Nigerian Army buried 14 soldiers who were killed in an ambush by Boko Haram terrorists on December 24, 2018.
The News Agency of Nigeria reported that the 14 soldiers who were on escort duty were ambushed on their way back to Kaduna by the terrorists on the Damaturu-Maiduguri Road.
Commenting on the dismal cycle of ambushed soldiers, the National Secretary of the International Human Rights and Dignity Defenders Forum, Amb Ayo Akintayo, in an interview with our correspondent, pointed out that the military needed to be restructured.
He opined that if soldiers were deployed based on sound military intelligence and familiarity with the local terrains, it would minimise the rate of soldiers being ambushed.
“When soldiers are of a different ethnicity and geographical part of the country are sent to a region whose terrain they are unfamiliar with nor can they communicate in their local languages, there will be a certain degree of mistrust and this could breed ill-will and jeopardise their safety.
“The military also needs to weed out the fifth columnists within the army itself and ensure that it is operating based on sound intelligence and surveillance. There is no way that soldiers would be ambushed in a community and killed so violently without a degree of collusion and this needs to be investigated.
“The authorities should withdraw the army from internal security affairs and allow police to handle all minor internal security challenges. The government should fish out the killers of soldiers on peacekeeping missions and find out who is responsible for it. Their death is truly devastating,” Akintayo stated.
‘Families of late soldiers need assistance’
In January, during an event to commemorate the 2024 Armed Forces Remembrance Day, the Chief of Defence, Military Relations, Rear Admiral Ibrahim Dewu, told families of fallen soldiers in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, that the Armed Forces would never forget the sacrifices of the fallen heroes.
“We stand by you and are ready to offer support whenever needed. It is a commitment that no family is left alone in the face of adversity. Rest assured that the Armed Forces will never forget the sacrifices of our fallen heroes,” he said.
However, a psychologist, Kolawola Afolabi, in an interview, explained that such promises must go beyond words to offer real assistance and social support to grieving families of late military personnel.
Explaining further, Afolabi stated that death which results from a war could be even more troubling given the sudden and potentially violent nature of the event.
“When families lose their loved ones, they experience bereavement, which means ‘to be deprived by death’. They may experience a wide range of emotions which include denial, disbelief, confusion, shock, sadness, anger, guilt, humiliation, yearning, and despair. These feelings are common reactions to loss.
“Many people also report physical symptoms of acute grief – stomach pain, loss of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances, or loss of energy. Mourning can worsen existing illnesses or lead to the development of new conditions,” he said.
“Grieving families may experience profound emotional reactions like anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression, and thoughts of suicide. So the best thing is to allow these persons to grieve.
“They need to be surrounded by caring people. They need caring relatives and friends who understand what they are going through and help them work through the grieving process. They could join a support group with others who have experienced similar losses and can speak with their clerics,” he advised.
Afolabi also urged families of slain soldiers to take care of their health by eating properly, exercising and getting plenty of rest.
“Be aware of the danger of using medication or alcohol to deal with your grief or numb pain. It takes effort and time to absorb a major loss, accept your changed life, and begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.
“If your feelings become too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help work through your grief,” he added.
